DR Makeup Game Update

tom — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 13:12:56 +0000

Guys, we play at Osborne on Thursday at 7:30pm. See you all there at 7. Let’s get a fucking victory, shit.

DR Reschedule

tom — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 15:09:00 +0000

Guys, we play the Dominican Republic on Thursday, August 6th at 7:30pm. Pedro Martinez is starting on the mound for them, so let’s be prepared for his filthy changeup. I’m not sure which field it’s at yet, probably Osborne, but I’ll let you all know when I find out. Let’s win a fucking game, Jesus Christ.

Crawdads Makeup Game

tom — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:31:23 +0000

We will be making up our game against the Crawdads on Tuesday, July 28th at 7:30pm at Campbell Middle School. I hope to see you all there!

Season Preview

tom — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 16:34:43 +0000

Only the Pickles could have a season preview 5 games into the season. What the hell is wrong with us? This has been written by the eternal Bryan Akers. Bryan is the one who always has something wrong with one of his fingers. He also has a sweaty back.

Sidenote: Pickles play the Giants this Saturday at noon. Before the game, starting promptly at 11:30, will be the 1st and last annual pre-4th of July Pickles Slam Dunk contest. We will be dunking on a 6 ft Playskool hoop - bring your best moves.

Here’s the preview:

Pickles Season Preview 2009, by Bryan Akers

It’s that time again. Time for all of the mildly athletic to dust off our gear bags, cleats, and re-oil our mitts for another incredible year of the MSBNLALNB’s best team¹ - the Pickles. It’s an exciting new year with some upcoming and amazing new rookies, some returns from last year’s crop, veterans, and retirees. We are carrying a few more players this year in hopes to display not only incredible talents but also diversity for such a metropolitan team. Here is the breakdown of our coaches, the rookies, and our retiree(s).

Tom – Owner, Coach, CF, C, P, SS, Sexy.

You all know him and like him sometimes. A fearless competitor who leads the Picks historically in Games, At Bats, Triples, Home Runs, Runs, and Stolen Bases. Whether we win or lose this year you can blame it all on him. Tom enjoys live improv and scratch off lottery tickets.

Will – Coach, 2B, 3B, SS, P, LF, CF, RF, 1B, Batting Instructor

A long time Pickle and easily one of the best athletes on the field, Will is our all time hits and RBI leader. He is well known for his attributes on the field as well as his effortless pick up lines. He enjoys sipping on warm Grand Marnier and ‘sharting’.

Max – SP, RP, CL, Bench Coach, Base Running Master.

A rookie for the Picks this year but by no means one in real life, Max is an import from the far away Midwest. He comes to us from the Springfield, MO barnstorming coed fast pitch softball league. In his last two professional seasons he has an amazing 51-2 record in 53 starts with 1306 Strikeouts! Both loses were perfect games. Well, minus the two 625ft blasts he gave up against the Angry Hippos and the Marmalukes. During his days off, Max prunes bonsai trees and chimney cactus.

Jordan – SP

A friend of a friend of an ex girlfriend of an uncle’s friends grandma grocery bagger, Jordan was discovered by our great coach and Pickle mainstay Thomas O’Dizzle. Having played in the Expos farm teams Jordan is a flame throwing left hander most notably known for breaking catchers thumbs and batters wrists. He sports a devastating slider and a 1-7 curve ball that breaks batters ankles. During the off season Jordan runs a tattoo parlor in Truth or Consequences, NM called Super Chango (aka Super Gorilla) and collects handmade balsa wood planes.

Kurt (Retired) – Legend, Coach, OF, 3B, IF, C, P

Playing in a staggering 35 games throughout his illustrious career, Kurt became a important player, coach, and role model for many of us and youths across the nation. Growing up a baseball aficionado and member of the International Church of Mattingly it was only fitting for Kurt to develop as a fierce competitor. You would always notice Kurt streaking across the base paths, emerging from a dust cloud while hurling a ball towards first, hamming it up with the umps, and yelling quasi obscenities and mental riddles to the opposing team. He is the all times leader in walks, second in stolen bases and home runs, creator of www.thebobbyclassifieds.com, inventor of Marty Luellen, dog owner, and bizarre renaissance man. He is a man’s man and a great Pickle. There will be a memorial service unveiling a 400’ bronze statue of Kurt’s likeness on August 1st at the Ray Romano Field at Osbourne Park versus the Crawdads. Kurt will throw out the first pitch and make bologna sandwiches for everyone during the game. RSVP required for mayonnaise requests. Since retirement, Kurt has developed a knack for Puerto Rico, AM Talk Radio, listening to Joe Morgan discuss baseball, and frequent donator to the penis museum in Reykjavik, Iceland. You will be missed.

Alight Pickles, we have a big task on our hands this year. We must have a winning season. Go out there and get ‘em. Break a leg. Have fun. No fighting. Hit every ball like it’s your last.

Pickles, Bandits, 3:30pm @ Osborne

tom — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 19:13:11 +0000

All, I am in Shreveport… it is so awesome here. God, I bet you’re all sooooo jealous. I will not be at the game tomorrow. Neither will Tyler (but he assures me he’ll be there next week and at other games in the future). Karol has all the equipment and will be bringing it. Kyle is managing. Good luck and god speed, Pickle People.

pickles - cards 3:30@ campbell

tom — Sat, 06 Jun 2009 15:38:58 +0000

guys, game today at campbell. let’s kick some ass. see below post for a map to the field. we need a number in the W column, let’s get one today.

Picks/Cubs Saturday 3:30 at Osborne

tom — Sat, 30 May 2009 01:20:35 +0000

See all you bitches there. Let’s put down a number >0 in the win column. If you still owe me money please bring some cash.

I am still trying to schedule makeup games.

All games at Shiloh for the rest of the season have been moved to Campbell Middle School. Here’s a map:

View Larger Map

Game 2 rained out

tom — Sat, 16 May 2009 17:09:19 +0000

Guys, game is rained out tonight. Here’s the info from Don:

Don: Áll osborne games rained out

Tom: Don, I have a bucket of tidy cat, a 13.5oz can of folgers, and one of those holiday buckets of assorted popcorn that we can smash up. Would that be enough to help dry the field so we can play at 7?

Don: (no response)

I’m not sure if he knows how to reply to text messages. Hope you all have a good Memorial Day. Please continue to throw over the next 2 weeks to keep your arms in shape, especially all you pitchers.

Pickles Baseball

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